For years, Superman fans have been annoyed with non-fans who point to the Son of Krypton’s waning popularity as his being a boring character. Unfortunately, Zack Snyder’s take on the character in Man of Steel did nothing to thwart those opinions, but hopes were high that the inclusion of Batman and Wonder Woman would give Supes another layer of interest. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. Not even a little. It seems like screenwriters David Goyer and Chris Terrio didn’t even try.
When one of the title characters of a film takes a backseat in the larger discussion, it’s a problem. A problem that one diligent Reddit user, coolerthanabagofice, figured out after multiple viewings of Batman v Superman. The Boy Scout has 43 lines. Forty-three in a film nearly two and a half hours long. The character that’s supposed to be one of the biggest draws has 43 lines! Check out the user’s brilliant list below, broken down into scenes Supes/Clark appears in.
A. Superman in Africa
B. Clark and Lois bathroom scene
- Hey, I was going to cook… Surprise you.
- I don’t care… I don’t care what they’re saying. The woman I loved could have been blown up or shot. Think of what could have happened.
- I didn’t kill those men if that’s what they think… If that’s what they’re saying. Don’t know if what’s possible?
C. Clark investigates Batman
- It’s like a one man reign of terror. This bat vigilante has been consistently targeting the port and the adjacent projects and tenements and as far I can tell, the cops are actually helping him.
- Why aren’t we covering this? Poor people don’t buy papers?
- Perry, when you assign a story, you’re making a choice about who matters. And who’s worth it.
D. Clark sees Superman hate rise
E. Lex’s Party
- Who is that?
- Mr. Wayne… Mr Wayne! Clark Kent, Daily Planet.
- I’m sorry?
- What’s your position on the Bat vigilante in Gotham?
- Civil liberties are being trampled on in your city. Good people living in fear.
- I’ve seen it, Mr. Wayne. He thinks he’s above the law.
- Most of the world doesn’t share your opinion, Mr. Wayne.
F. Superman Montage
G. Perry Confronts Clark about the Batman
- The police won’t help, the press has to do the right thing.
- When the planet was founded, it stood for something, Perry.
H. Apocalyptic Vision
- She was my world… And you took her from me…
I. Superman manipulated into going after Bats
J. Superman meets Batman
- Next time they shine your light in the sky, don’t go to it. The bat is dead. Bury it. Consider this mercy.
K. Superman gets advice from his mother (Martha)
L. Superman goes into exile
- I didn’t see it, Lo. I was standing right there and I didn’t see it.
- I’m afraid I didn’t see it because I wasn’t looking… All this time, I’ve been living my life the way my father saw it.
- Righting wrongs for a ghost. Thinking I’m here to do good. Superman was never real, just a dream of a farmer from Kansas.
- It did on my world. My world doesn’t exist anymore.
M. Superman talks to his Dad (kind of?)
- Did the nightmares ever stop?
- I miss you, too, dad…
N. Superman confronts Luthor
- I’ll take you in without breaking you… Which is more than you deserve!
- What have you done?
- You think I’ll fight him for you?
- She’s safe on the ground. How about you?
- Where is she?!
O. Superman talks to Lois
- Lois, I have to go to Gotham to convince him to help me. Or he has to die…
- No one stays good in this world.
P. Batman v Superman
- Bruce… Please… I was wrong. You have to listen to me… Lex wants to…
- You don’t understand! There’s no time!
- Stay down! If I wanted it, you’d be dead already!
- You’re letting him kill Martha!
- Find him! Save Martha!
Q. Batman/Superman Super Friends
- Luthor, he wanted your life for her’s. She’s losing time.
- My mother needs me.
R. Superman confronts Doomsday
- You Lost.
S. The Trinity Unites
- Did you find the spear?
- This thing is from another world…. My world.
- She with you?
T. The Death of Superman
- I love you…
- This is my world… YOU are my world.
It could be said that Superman is the king of one-liners if these were comedic. Not surprisingly, there is no depth here whatsoever, and the kicker is that this is what some of the script actually looked like. Athena (read: wisdom) did not guide this film’s screenwriters. At the end of the day, the real hero here is coolerthanabagofice. Thank you, kind sir or madam, for the grave sacrifice of your time.
If you want to experience the continued dullness of this decidedly boring character, go see Batman v Superman in theaters now and just focus on Batman, Wonder Woman and Lex like everyone else did.
Image: Warner Bros.